I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
