Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The power of my boobs compel you
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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