So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my shit smells like andre
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
