is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
