had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
