Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
