My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think my nap took me to another dimension
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
