I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
