Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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