Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
