So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
