I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
