No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
4 words: hood of his car
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
