And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
