So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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