Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
