he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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