I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
