If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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