I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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