they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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