Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
