my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
