I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just want nice things and good sex
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
