I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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