do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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