I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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