walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
