You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just found puke in my bra..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
