just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
