I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
