Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
