I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
