I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
