My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
