Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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