so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize