He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
