Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
