Your tits are I can't wait for
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
