Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
