I smell stomach acid.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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