I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
