She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
