Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
