I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize