I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
