so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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