Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
