Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I skipped work to stalk him.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
