it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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