There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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