Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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