how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need a beard to bite.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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