Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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