He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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