I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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