the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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