Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
