next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
