he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
