You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
