I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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