where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
