update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He has the fingertips of a God
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