shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I intend to get homeless drunk
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
