Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
