I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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