I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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