What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
