Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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