someone threw a dead crab at me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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