I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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