Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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