I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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