i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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